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Old 10-31-2017, 04:39 AM   #1
snobrdrdan
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"Car Guys"

I'm sure you've had this happen to you before....you think you're talking to a "car guy", but they're really not....

So I go to AutoZone the other day to return some spring compressors, after doing yet another spring swap....here's what happened:

AZ: Did they work okay for you?
ME: Yeah...just doing another spring swap I shouldn't be doing
AZ: I hear ya...I went coilovers on my Focus and I raise them when I'm going home and go low when I'm out racing.
ME: Oh, okay. I've had coilovers before, trust me, they're just a pain in the ass to adjust.
AZ: It doesn't bother me.....I had a SVT Focus before.
ME: Oh cool...me too years ago. What year was yours?
AZ: 2004 and it was hot pink. Bought it from a guy that worked for Ford. Had 30k miles on it and it just needed a serpentine belt.
ME: 2 door or 4 door? And hot pink? How much did you get it for?
AZ: 2 door, yeah the guy custom ordered it for his wife. Paid $3k for it.
ME: So it was painted in the engine bay and door jams and everything pink?
AZ: Yeah! You can get ANY color you want from the factory as long as you pay for it.
ME: Umm...okay, never heard of that.
AZ: Yeah you can. So after I got it I had it "media blasted" and then wrapped in Jet Black Iridium. Dark at night but sparkled in the day.
ME: Okay....so what was under the wrap?
AZ: Just bare metal.
ME: Got any pics of this car? I'm curious now.
AZ: No...now I just have this Focus outside (a very beat up '04 sedan Focus). I'm planning to put a JETTA transmission in it and make it AWD though.
ME: Cool So what happened to the SVTF?
AZ: After I put 200k miles on it in two years driving to Californina and back, I gave it to my sister. She said it was too fast and I just had it crushed after I put $20k into it.
ME: Too fast? What?
AZ: Yeah...I put a "28mil" turbo on it to replace the factory one and she thought it was too fast.
ME: Ummm...the SVT Focus did NOT have a turbo on it.
AZ: Well the 2004's did. I pulled the factory one out & put a 28mil turbo on it and it was pushing 14psi of boost. Too fast for my sister.
ME: I know they didn't from 2002-2004....they had a dual stage intake manifold that always broke and some supercharger kits available (aftermarket), but that's about it. Custom turbos were different, not stock though.
AZ: Well this one had a turbo. I think I have one pic of my phone of the engine bay. Hang on...oh here it is. I Plasti Dipped the engine cover the same as the wrap and the headers are wrapped.
ME: (he shows me a pic I found on Google, see below).....That's just a cold air intake and where you think the turbo is, that's where the throttle body & intake manifold is. If it was turbo'd, the turbo would be off the headers in the front of the engine bay.
And the engine bay is painted SONIC BLUE (a factory color)....I thought you said it was all pink?
AZ: Well I'm not sure, but it was definitely turbo'd. And that's the wrap job in the engine bay
ME: Umm okay man, I gotta go...

This guy was so clueless and truly believed everything he was telling me

Here's the EXACT pic he showed me on his phone btw:


A factory painted SONIC BLUE SVTF with a AEM cold air intake on it and wrapped headers
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Old 10-31-2017, 06:19 AM   #2
CHerna
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what the fuck did I just read

Not but seriously, I run into these types sometimes. I just let them go on and try to sound interested to see how far they take it lol.
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Old 10-31-2017, 10:09 AM   #3
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lol I love when stuff like that happens.


On a semi related note, if you're using spring compressors you're doing it the hard way. Drop the axle, and 3 lower lca bolts. Thank me later when you save 2 hours.
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Old 10-31-2017, 03:04 PM   #4
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This is as good as the line cook from a strip mall bar approaching me when I parked near his red mk5 GTI in my red mk5 r32. He then proceeded to tell me that he had a twin turboed GTI with custom tuning, exhaust etc. that he tuned and fabbed himself. I dropped to the pavement and started to look at his engine bay but he said the twin turbo were not visible without pulling the motor. He also said his stand alone ecu was custom made. This story, which I egged on with random questions about parts, which he lied about entirely, went for about fifteen minutes. I think his car was stock with some plastidip.

I proceeded to stop back weekly for 3-4 weeks with a few friends who also have Mk6 gtis and park next to him hoping to talk to him again, with an audience, but I never saw him in person again.


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Old 10-31-2017, 03:24 PM   #5
sterkrazzy
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I'm sure I left an autozone type place one day with the clerk thinking I was the idiot.

I parked my car with the front of the car facing into their window and it was directly lined up with their cash register. I forget what the part was that I even went in for. The guy asked me what kind of car I had so he could look it up, so I told him 2001 GTI VR6. He looks at me, he looks at my car, and he says Jetta. I knew the part was the same for both cars, so I didn't bother to correct him.

I had a jetta front end on my car, so when you could only see the front it looked like a jetta. I just hope he saw me drive away and was confused as to what just happened.

It's the car in my avatar.
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Old 10-31-2017, 04:31 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Clownish View Post
I think his car was stock with some plastidip.
spit water out of my nose when I read that
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Old 10-31-2017, 05:16 PM   #7
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After driving behind this one guy years ago he asked me if I noticed his brake lights not turning on very much. I didn't notice anything, so I told him no, and he was just like, oh...I use my e-brake to help me stop all the time so I was just wondering.
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Old 11-01-2017, 08:52 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sterkrazzy View Post
After driving behind this one guy years ago he asked me if I noticed his brake lights not turning on very much. I didn't notice anything, so I told him no, and he was just like, oh...I use my e-brake to help me stop all the time so I was just wondering.
i try and Clarkson it by not using the brakes and just coasting to a stop. takes some getting used to but its all fun in the games,
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just like god intended. he didnt kill off the dinosaurs for their sweet sweet bone juice to have it go getting wasted by eco-obsessed torque thieves.
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Old 11-02-2017, 09:32 AM   #9
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I can count on one hand the number of real car guys I've met at Autozone over the years.
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He's a real straight shooter, no monkey business, and the wheel swap at the Kohl's parking lot was quick and easy.
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Well i did use a breaker bar to snug up that nut instead of a torque wrench.
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my subframe has been out twice without replacing any bolts and I don't have subframe clunks and my world hasn't ended and my car hasn't blown up.
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Old 11-02-2017, 09:52 AM   #10
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LOVE these people. I'm no pro but I know what I know and as a rule of thumb definitely do not speak about it unless I am sure what I am speaking of. Others, not so much... leads to a lot of ROFLs.

Just love the 'had this car, had that car' conversations
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Old 11-02-2017, 10:06 AM   #11
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I love egging these people on. The audacity of their lies is amazing to me. It would never have occurred to me to lie so badly and grandly to complete strangers for no reason other than... ego?
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Old 11-02-2017, 10:22 AM   #12
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I love egging these people on. The audacity of their lies is amazing to me. It would never have occurred to me to lie so badly and grandly to complete strangers for no reason other than... ego?
Not only that but to other car people who they have no chance of fooling.
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Old 11-02-2017, 10:51 AM   #13
sterkrazzy
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Sometimes I just assume they're so stupid they actually believe themselves.
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Old 11-02-2017, 02:34 PM   #14
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Sometimes I just assume they're so stupid they actually believe themselves.
I believe this is true. Habitual liars have trouble separating facts from lies. I've met these wanna be car guys too. I let them go on & just chuckle at their funny car stories.
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