In-Laws Thread

[GolfR1031]

Hey guys coming here to vent so just want to make you guys aware of that first. I am 23 and have been with my GF for 8 years (High-School Sweethearts). I just got a real full time job after graduating from college so feeling like life is starting to get pretty serious. Want to ask my gf to marry me in the next year or two but there is one issue. I cant stand her parents. My GF is the best loving caring beautiful I cant say anything bad about her but her parents are just such a pain in the ass. To start with they are divorced and she is an only child so i guess it makes it even worse. Her mom interjects into every decision we make is super over protective of her, and quite frankly i can tell she doesnt like me. The dad is a lazy piece of shit and is not even a man for some of the shit he has done. I love my gf to death but can some of you with more experience tell me how big a role in laws play in a marriage? Sorry for the rant just had to vent

 

[XGC75]

My in-laws play a huge role. My wife and her parents are pretty close, and they're nice enough people. Her dad is into cars, owns a used car lot. Her mom is super religious and is always trying to get us to do christian things with her. That can be a pain. The upshot is that she always wants to cook for us, and my father-in-law's shop is always around in case I need a lift to do some work on the GTI.

When you get married, nothing changes. Expect the same relationship you have with them now to carry over when you are married. It may give them a reason to be assholes, though, if they're really that bad.

Personally, I'm reluctant to move across the state or to warmer climates to get a job in automotive, where I've always wanted to practice, simply because it would mean moving further away from both my own parents and my in-laws. If you love your GF enough but neither of you want the baggage of asshole parents, then move a plane flight away.

 

[Jaber]

You're both adults, no longer needing parental guidance. Once married, only you and your wife have the final say.

Do your thing, keep them in the sidelines.

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me".

Unless you guys are relying on them for financial guidance or living situation, they're just noise in the background.

 

[sniper27]

It also depends on the relationship your gf has with her parents. If she is the type that is going to be influenced by everything they say or need their input on everything, that can cause a problem. if she is independent enough, then I wouldn't worry about it. Her parents will always be who they are and will not change. It's how you let it effect your relationship.

 

[svickstc]

You marry into the family whether you want too or think that....

Best of luck!!

 

[GolfR1031]

My GF is pretty independant and stuff and we usually make the decisions on our own regardless of what they say but I can certainly say once we move out i am not going to want to visit her parents house after a long day of work... Thats the last thing i want to do. Im worried my gf will get upset about that etc... I also hate going to her family events cuz im the odd ball out sitting there bored with nobody really talking to me. My family treats her so differently my mom treats her like a daughter and my family embraces her. This isnt enough to make me want to leave her but its just a pain in the ass wish we could cut ties with her fam but thats obviously wrong

 

[sniper27]

Have you talked to her about this?

 

[herb_on_herb]

It also depends on the relationship your gf has with her parents. If she is the type that is going to be influenced by everything they say or need their input on everything, that can cause a problem. if she is independent enough, then I wouldn't worry about it. Her parents will always be who they are and will not change. It's how you let it effect your relationship.

definitely this. my wife is very close to her family, and they are involved in our lives because she wouldn't want it any other way. it does get annoying at times, because visiting them is expensive (8 hour drive) and I can think of tons of things I would rather be doing/spending money on, but I know it makes her happy and that is a sacrifice I make.

You marry into the family whether you want too or think that....

Best of luck!!

I was told this. didn't fully believe it. I do now!

Have you talked to her about this?

+1 this is definitely something I would want to talk about with her

 

[Double's Dub]

I'd tell them how you feel, and lay down the law before you go into marriage proposal mode. Neglecting to do so could turn your future into a living hell!

You have nothing to lose at this point, but, before you go commando on the parents, discuss your feelings first with the GF and get her to back you up.

 

[NecioVato]

I think there are certain things that pretty much answer your questions if you ask me. One, you state your gf is independent and that the both of you make your OWN decisions - this is a MAJOR plus and a good thing. Do you marry into her family and vice versa, yeah you do but honestly, in the end as long as the both of you make your own decisions and take what both sides of parents say as 'free advice'; then I think it will work itself out.

In other words, why you marry into her family and vice versa, but she is a free thinker and the 2 of you make decisions for yourselves and not based off of what any of the parents think. As for being the 'odd man out' on family get togethers, I say that is a small sacrifice if the girl is awesome in the end. For all you know, she might have issues with your family that you don't see because it's 'your family'. Good luck but I it sounds like putting up with annoying in-laws are a small sacrifice for a great girl. ;-)

 

[fkafady]

Hate me for saying this but I think you are too young to get married at the moment.
Let alone the fact that you guys will go through some changes growing up at this age and things will change drastically.
Not saying in a bad way but some people just cant handle their partners when life shift changes take place.You'd wanna consider your patience and tolerance first.

 

[dwgolf]

inlaws

My girlfriend has old school Asian parents. If it's not the right job, right education, correct parenting with our daughter (whatever that means), the right car, the right home- you get the point. this is not uncommon. We aren't married because of the inlaws.

I'm down to tell her mom to back up, but my wife wants to please her family. Lord have mercy... Good luck man.

 

[greasyginzo]

Life is totally 100% uncertain. I married my high school girl we were together for 15 years total married for 4 years. Wanted to wait till we where well off finacially house, cars, money all that. I'm old school Italian don't believe in divorce and never for 1 sec ever thought we would end up divorced but it happened about a year ago. Point of the story is take life a day at a time. If you guys are truely in love and you both want to get married then go ahead and do it. Anything can happen at any time.

Edit: My ex wifes parents didn't care for me at first but I was an asshole teenager. After I matured we got along great and I loved them like my own parents.

 

[HandyManny85]

I think everything will change when the mom really gets to know you. Enjoy your life, marry her and build a wonderful family with her.

 

[GIACUser]

In-laws can make or break a marriage if you let them. One thing you have control over as a married couple..... where you live. If you both want a fighting chance and you believe it could become an issue.... move away from them. Distance can fix a LOT, however it also means that you are on your own. You can run to then to watch kids, take the dog out while you are on vacation etc.

The term... marrying into a family is true, you don't get just your sweetheart, you get the whole package. Often you get out of any relationship what you put into it, including the one with your mother-in-law.

Good luck going forward. I married my high school sweetheart and it has been the best.