well...tonight was an especially hard one for my girl...not really sure what happened, but all of a sudden she just broke down hard core...i think she might be trying too hard to be strong and really needs to just let it all out...you know the whole "cry till you cant cry anymore" thing...
This sucks so bad. It is especially hard when i can only have my break down moments when im not around her, which isnt very often due to current circumstances, so i can be her rock to lean on...I know "life's not fair, thats why they make different bra and cup sizes"...but damn, this is seriously not fair. I mean come on...two and a half yrs old...wtf!?
definately a wierd thing to be so angry and sad at the same time, all the while holding it all inside for the benefit of someone else. I have always been the type to "plan" things and "plan" for the future...the problem now is, i feel like i just dont know anything about anything anymore...i have no idea what the future holds. i mean, you expect old people to die, but a two year old! what the fuck is that!? i just dont know anymore...i just dont know...i dont know any other way to describe this but an extreme feeling of being lost. i try to keep busy which makes things easier minute by minute, but at the end of the day...it all comes rushing back like a tidal wave...water receeds for a bit but when it comes back its all at once and in a BIG way. im so pissed at everything right now...im just soooo fucking mad...all i wanna do is just scream at the top of my lungs and beat something until im bruised and broken and have nothing left...i miss that little girl so bad...you guys just dont know how perfect she was...such a good little girl...Isabella Marie Ragin aka Baby Bella...sweetest little thing in the world...my back seat feels so empty without her being back there in her little car seat...no one, and i mean NO ONE will ever sit in that backseat again...thats her spot!
any way...sorry about the rambling...didnt even mean to write all of that...started to respond and it just started coming out...guess i needed a moment to vent...
fml.
love this pic...rockin daddy's (step but whatever) oakleys!